Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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