after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
