We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
