this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
