It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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