Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
