if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
