so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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