My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
