I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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