i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
