wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
