Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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