I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
