My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
