That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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