I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
