I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
