I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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