You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
