i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
