then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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