his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
