its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
