Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
