I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
