even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
