i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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