I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I party with great urgency now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
