Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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