You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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