He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
