is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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