Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
this is an emotional support booty call
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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