real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
