So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
