Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
