Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
