Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
