Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
