in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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