my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
