So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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