she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
