chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
