pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
