New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
