He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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