Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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