My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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