I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
