U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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