youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
