i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
