dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
