Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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