how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
