This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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